Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Randomize
