you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
