I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
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