Duck Duck Cougar?
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
