I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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