I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
It's not a walk of shame if you run
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
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