I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
