wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
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