so that wasnt chicken after all
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
