Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
