she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I just found puke in my bra..
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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