Will you blow on my dice?
You're so nebulous sometimes
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Randomize
