yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Randomize
