feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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