I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
