You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
