Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
