I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
