You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
