I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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