Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
