Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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