ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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