i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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