dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Still dying that you shit outside
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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