Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
do nipples grow back?
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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