Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
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