What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
