Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
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