i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
