My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
