Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
She bit a glass in half.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Randomize