Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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