y did u give ur computer a hand job?
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize