That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
