2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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