Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
