Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Randomize
