tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
