Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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