Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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