your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
