Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
We had to coat check the pizza.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
