I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
