Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
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