he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
