I don't remember. Are we still dating?
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
