i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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