Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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