In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
its not stalking. its research.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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