awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Randomize
