My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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