i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
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