Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
