Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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