WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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