I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Randomize
