One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Bring me that man meat
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
