I intend to get homeless drunk
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
