My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
