His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
