You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
