Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
