gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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