my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
