All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
