Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
